Redeeming Friendship: In an age where people are more connected than ever, few people have even one friend they can be open, honest, and vulnerable with. So, what kind of friendships are Christians called to, and how can this change our lives? Recorded on Dec 11, 2022, on Colossians 3:1-17, by Pastor David Parks.
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“Redeeming Regular Life” is a sermon series from the Epistles of the New Testament in the Bible. The Epistles are letters from the Apostles to the early Christian churches helping them understand and apply the gospel to life. “To what part of life?” you might wonder. The answer is: to every part! The way of Jesus changes everything, including marriage, sexuality, singleness, parenting, work, politics, friendship, and more. In Christ, regular life is a gift.
Sermon Transcript:
So all year, we’re focusing on Learning the way of Jesus. And today, we’re finishing a series called Redeeming Regular Life. This series is from the epistles/letters in the New Testament in the Bible from the Apostles of Jesus to various churches around the Roman Empire. Part of these letters address how the basic relationships ought to work in our lives, including in marriage, parenting, at work, and so on. But the apostles wrote on these things from a uniquely Christian perspective, showing how the gospel and the way of Jesus changes everything. Today, as we bring this series to a close, we’ll finish by looking at a much easier topic to stomach than talking about redeeming politics last week. However, even though our topic for today makes us less squirmy, it’s really just as difficult for us to do as it is to try and apply our faith to our politics. That is our desperate need to establish and maintain healthy Christian friendships. In all our busyness and the chaos of life, but also with how mobile people are today, moving from one house to the next or from one city/state to the next — all these things make it hard for us to form deep and lasting friendships. It’s ironic that we live in an age of social networking where we might have hundreds or even thousands of people we’re connected with online, who are supposedly our friends, and yet many of us struggle to maintain even one real friendship in which we feel we can be vulnerable and our true self. And yet, as we said in our marriage and singleness sermons in this series, even though most people get married, not everyone is called to be married in life. And not everyone who gets married stays married for various reasons. This means that a more universal need than understanding how marriage works (as important and valuable as that is) is our need to understand how friendship works. This is true for all people, married and single. So how does the gospel and the way of Jesus change our friendships? If you have a Bible/app, please open to Colossians 3:1. This is a longer passage, so we’ll break this up into four parts: 1. Who we are in Christ. 2. What we are called from in relationship to others. 3. What we are called to in relationship to others. 4. What these relationships produce? So first, who we are in Christ, starting with v. 1.
Colossians 3:1-4 (NIV), “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” So Colossians is a letter from the Apostle Paul to the Christians in and around the city of Colossae in modern Turkey. And Paul might’ve known some of the believers there, but he hadn’t personally ministered in Colossae. Back in chapter 1, he says that they first heard the gospel through a man named Epaphras. In chapter 2, Paul says his goal in writing was “…that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” (Col 2:2–3). Our passage today starts off with a reminder of this mystery, that is, our union with Christ, the risen king, who is our life. Paul is writing here to Christians, not those who are considering the Christian faith. He says that we have been raised with Christ. But then he says that we will not appear in glory until Jesus returns. Then we also will appear with him in glory. This speaks to the already/not yet nature of the kingdom of God. For the Christian today, the instant you hear and believe the gospel, you can be assured you have already gone from death to life; you’ve been justified and forgiven for sins; and, as Paul says here, you’ve been united with Jesus in his death, burial, and resurrection. So from one perspective, we have already been raised with Christ. Paul says it in a little different way in his letter to the Philippians, that even though we might be citizens of the kingdoms of this world, we are now citizens of heaven. However, we are not yet able to experience the fullness of the kingdom of God and the glory and perfection that we will enjoy after Jesus returns and this current age comes to an end. We are not yet fully sanctified or made holy. We are not yet bodily resurrected or in heaven. So it is that in light of this already/not yet, in-between stage of salvation history, Paul calls us to remember who we are in Christ. Even though you do not fully enjoy the glory you one day will, even though you still wrestle with the sin and struggle of the flesh, even though you still face pain and hardship here and now, Paul says to set your heart/mind not on earthly things, but on things above. And this is a uniquely Christian perspective. Of course, the worldly perspective is much different. The world believes we must eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die. It’s a perspective with no view of a spiritual realm, or any of the hopeful promises of God for our future, or any understanding of life after death. Without this heavenly perspective, all people have is to pursue what they think will make them happy here and now. But Jesus said to seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all the earthly things you need will be given to you as well (Mt 6:33). So for Christian friendships, we must keep this already/not yet perspective, this heavenly perspective, in view as the very context for our friendship. This means many things, but one thing this means is that in Christ, what we have in common is far greater than what we have in terms of differences. If we agree on who Jesus is, then the most important thing we believe and the most important aspect of who we are is exactly the same. This matters so much more than any other opinion or preference or cultural difference, or affinity we might have. Paul is not speaking to individual Christians but to the church. He says since you all (plural) have been raised with Christ, set all of your hearts on things above. It is for this reason that everything that follows is directed to what type of relationship we ought to have in the church. Who we are in Christ, and our union with him, changes everything. It is the source of freedom, joy, and abundant life out of which flows both what we are called from and what we are called to in life and in our friendships with one another. Let’s continue on with what we are called from starting in v. 5.
Colossians 3:5-10 (NIV), “5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” Again, this is what we have been called from or saved from, this way of life which does not lead to life but away from life toward division, destruction, and eventually death. In the previous section, Paul started with a reminder of who we are in Christ. But in the “not yet” aspect of God’s kingdom, we are still tempted by many evil things. I love how realistic the bible is about sin and temptation. It doesn’t sweep our problems under the rug but has a clear-eyed view of what is still sadly possible, even for one who has been raised with Christ. But at the same time, it doesn’t leave us to remain stuck in sin and struggle. God loves us just as we are, but he loves us too much to leave us where we are. This is where some people misunderstand the love of God. A modern worldly perspective on love is that if you love someone, you must always affirm everything they ever think to say or do. But this is simply not true. You can (and should) at times disagree with someone you love. We all have blind spots in our lives and need instruction/correction at times. This is one of the most important aspects of Christian friendships in this in-between age we live in. It would be the height of unloving to be able to see where your friend is sinning or struggling and refuse to lovingly, gently, and respectfully draw their attention to it. The “you do you” attitude doesn’t work when we are supposed to be helping each other grow up and mature in our character and faith. The seriousness of this calling is felt in the metaphor Paul uses. We are to “put to death” whatever belongs to our earthly nature; to the flesh. Paul gives two different directions of possible temptations here, including inappropriate desires and harmful/destructive attitudes and speech toward one another. These things need to die. If they aren’t put to death, then they act as poison, killing our love, joy, and peace within ourselves and in our other relationships. This is why God’s wrath is against these things; they harm the people he loves. Seeing others as objects for our pleasure or our scorn might be normal in the ways of the world, but this is not our way. Paul imagines our old self as an old coat that needs to be taken off and our new self in Christ as a new coat that needs to be put on and worn. This new self is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. As God does the work he has promised to do, as the power of the Holy Spirit bears new fruit in our lives, and as we are sanctified and made holy by the truth of God’s word, we become more and more like Jesus. And it is to this work that Christian friends are called to join. Not only that we might avoid the worldly way we are called from in Christ, but that we might see the work that God is doing in the lives of our friends, and we might get excited about that, encourage that, and gently step in when we see them start to go back to the ways in which they used to walk. So first, who we are in Christ changes everything. Everything else in the Christian life flows out of that, including what we are called from and what we are called to in life. Let’s move on to what we are called to. What does this new self look like when we put on the life of Christ? Let’s continue with v. 11.
Colossians 3:11-14 (NIV), “11 Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” So first, we find we have a radical unity despite our diversity. All the old boundary lines of who you could/should be friends with are destroyed in Christ. Jew and gentile are ethnic barriers. Circumcised or uncircumcised are religious barriers. Slave and free are class barriers. But we could add any other barrier that people use to divide us from our neighbor such as gender, political affiliation, nationality, race, tax bracket, or whatever. As we said, the most important thing about our identity is now the same in Jesus because Christ is all and is in all. Therefore, as a result of this new unity among diversity that is a byproduct of the gospel, as God’s chosen people, as God’s elect, who are holy and dearly loved (what a description, by the way), therefore, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Isn’t this the description of someone you’d want in your life? Paul says this is what a godly friendship looks like. But this isn’t heaven yet. So he continues with how we ought to behave when sin enters a Christian friendship. He says to bear with each other and forgive one another if you have a grievance with someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Again, this reflects the beginning of this passage. If the gospel is true, and we have been forgiven for all of our sins, then we ought to be people who forgive one another. Just a note on v. 13, we get two different “one another” commands. There are dozens of “one another” commands in the NT. Bear with one another, forgive one another, love one another, pray for one another, and so on. These commands all flow out of who we are in Christ, and the command to love your neighbor as yourself. But they find special power in the context of Christian friendships. One of the things that suffered the most during covid, besides physical health, was the quality of relationships with people outside the home. It’s almost impossible to be faithful to these “one another” commands when you are isolated and lonely. I’d go so far as to say that you can’t live a fully Christian life all by yourself, on your own. We need friends. We need friends to be faithful to these commands. And we need friends because it never goes well for us when we are alone. Even in the perfection of the garden of Eden, God said it was not good for man to be alone. We were made for community, which certainly includes family relationships but also friendships as well. So again, out of the headwaters of our new life in Christ flows a new understanding of what we are called from and what we are called to since we have been raised with Christ. Paul finishes this section of his letter by describing what these Christian friendships and what this type of Christian community produces. And what is the result/fruit of all this? Look at v.15.
Colossians 3:15-17 (NIV), “15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” The fruit of healthy Christian friendship is gratitude and peace. Why? Because the life-giving message of Christ, the gospel, is at the heart of everything you do. Let it dwell among you richly, Paul says. This happens when we live in accordance with the gospel, for example, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ. Or refusing to give in to sinful anger or deceitful speech. But this also happens when you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. This means that one of the ways we let the gospel dwell among us with richness and depth is by regularly singing together. There are few things that unite people as quickly and effectively as making music together. It doesn’t say it here, but I believe God created music for this reason. This is one of the reasons that God’s people have always included music in their corporate worship. Not only does it allow us to sing to God with gratitude and praise in our hearts. But it unites us together at the heart level as we glorify God. But it goes beyond music, too. Paul finishes in v. 17 by saying whatever you do, in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. This means that for the Christian, the whole of life ought to be an offering of worship. Of responding to the glory of God with thanksgiving and praise, of obedience to learn the way of Jesus and help others do the same.