Two Become One: Is marriage “just a piece of paper,” like so many people say? What is the purpose of marriage? Marriage is a gift of God for human flourishing. Marriage is intended to be a whole-life oneness between husband and wife. Recorded on Feb 6, 2022, on Genesis 2:18-25, by Pastor David Parks.
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Sermon Transcript
All year, we’re talking about The Greatness of God. And today, we’re continuing a sermon series called The Making of Heaven and Earth from Genesis 1-3. As we’ve said, there are few more important chapters ever written than the first three chapters of Genesis. The creation narratives of the Bible shape our understanding of who we are, where we’ve come from, and the reason why things are the way they are today. But more importantly, they introduce us to the God who created and sustains all things. So far, we’ve considered in the creation of the heavens and the earth that, contrary to a materialistic cosmology, the universe is not the product of chance, but is the good design of a God who speaks light into darkness and order into chaos, resulting in abundant, flourishing life. In the creation of human beings, both male and female, we have both the incalculable worth of being made in the image of God, and also the very human vocation of working and caring for God’s good world. Today, we’ll consider the joining of the man and the woman, of two become one. We’ll consider the stunning beauty and goodness of marriage as God intended. If you have a Bible/app, please open to Genesis 2:18.
Genesis 2:18-25 (NIV), “18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam[f] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”
So, the first five books of the Bible, called the Torah, are understood to have been first written by Moses, the famous prophet/leader of the people of ancient Israel during the time of the Exodus. He was writing during a critical time when God was giving his people their story, including these creation narratives which shaped their understanding of who they were and what they were created and saved for. As such, they are still important to us today because every generation needs to know who they were created to be and what they were created to do. Let’s go back and work through this text together. v. 18.
Genesis 2:18 (NIV), “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” So here, even in perfection, something isn’t quite right. In Genesis 1, God repeatedly assessed his creation as good, it is good, it is very good. But here, he sees something and assesses it as not good. It is not good for the man to be alone. I think this is as true today as it was all the way back then. Human beings were not ever intended to be alone. So many people in our church and in our world experienced the crushing reality of loneliness and isolation over the last two years. Now, it makes sense to be careful about being around other people during a global pandemic, but it is also true that it is not good for the man to be alone, to feel alone, or to try and face life alone. But as soon as God assesses something that is lacking, he comes up with a plan. “I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now the word helper is the Hebrew word, ēzer, which is a fascinating word. Of the 19 times that ēzer is used in the OT, 16 times refer to God as our helper. So there’s no way to interpret this verse to justify a view that women are inferior in value to men. We saw in Ge 1 that men and women have an equal share as image-bearers of God, and all the inherent dignity and worth that that brings. Here in the garden, gender identity isn’t a social construct or zero-sum game where the only time one wins is if the other loses. It is the gift of a good God’s creative intention for flourishing life. It is sin that renders our male-ness and female-ness as either of primary importance or of no importance at all. Neither was the intention of God. Men and women were meant to work in partnership as stewards of God’s good world together.
Genesis 2;19-20 (NIV), “Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.” To prove the point for the necessity of the woman, we have the man surveying the other living creatures of the garden, no doubt with some level of disappointment, finding that there was no suitable helper among them, no equal to help him with his vocation. There is a created difference between human beings and the animal world. No animal on the land or bird in the sky or fish in the sea is said to be made in the image and likeness of God, only people. However, the man does name the creatures he sees, which is simply part of his mandate to be the ruler/steward of God’s world. v. 21.
Genesis 2:21-23 (NIV), “So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” In Genesis 1, God works as the divine poet, speaking a poem of creation. In Genesis 2, God works as the divine potter, sculpting a man out of the dust of the earth and breathing the breath of life, the breath of his Spirit into him. From the side of the man, then, God forms the woman, a helper suitable to the task of stewarding God’s good world. Notice that it is the Lord God, the Creator himself, who brings the woman to the man in this first marriage ceremony. It is God who gives this woman to be married to this man. As Jesus taught in Mt 19, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” And how does the man respond? He responds in poetry! (which is always a good idea) In poetic wonder, he exclaims, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” In other words, finally, after searching and searching, I have found one who is like me, I have found my partner, my godly helper, my bride. She shall be called woman for she was taken out of man. As Matthew Henry famously wrote, “…the woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.” [Henry, M. (1994). Matthew Henry’s commentary on the whole Bible: complete and unabridged in one volume (p. 10). Hendrickson.] What a beautiful picture of marriage, one man and one woman, created in the image of God, not facing one another in hostile opposition, not facing away from each other using one another to pursue their own goals/needs/lives — but side by side, facing together the monumental task God had given them to be fruitful and multiply, to fill the earth and subdue it, to bring light into darkness and order into chaos to produce abundant, flourishing life. This is God’s vision for humanity. It’s not a man’s world or a women’s world. It’s God’s world, and we, men and women, are to be lovingly united in our shared meaning and good purpose here. We need each other, we always have and we always will. Let’s finish this passage with v. 24.
Genesis 2:24-25 (NIV), “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” So here, we have the foundational text for understanding marriage. What is marriage? Have you ever thought about that? What’s the meaning/purpose of marriage? Probably the most common belief about marriage outside the Christian faith is what? That marriage is just a piece of paper. Have you ever heard that before? What does that mean? I think it’s the belief that marriage (and specifically, the paper of the marriage license) is just a social formality, but it doesn’t change the nature of an already very special relationship. The marriage ceremony is just a legal box that needs to be checked. There’s nothing magical about the wedding ceremony or the marriage license on file down at the county courthouse. Without the Bible, I understand how you could think that. Without a transcendent God who defines a transcendent good, then everything in society can change based on popular opinion. But if marriage is a gift of God, then it can be defined and governed by God. And here, we have marriage not as merely a social/legal formality, but as the most basic building block of human society. All of our culture and vocation and government and life were intended to rest on the foundation of the family. And what does this family look like? It looks like a man who has left his father and mother to be united to his wife. As good and as important as your family of origin, when you get married, your new relationship with your spouse must take priority. In a traditional society, you are defined by who your parents are. But here, God says that in marriage one man must leave his father and mother and be united/cleave/hold fast to one woman. Some marriages struggle because one spouse has never really left their father and mother. They call their mom or dad before talking with their husband or wife. This is not right. Of course, we’re still supposed to honor our father and mother in marriage. But the marriage relationship is supposed to be so important that it displaces even the best parent/child relationship.
Now, I love the description of what this type of relationship is supposed to be at the end of v. 24. That the two, “…become one flesh.” What does that mean? This means that the covenant/union of marriage goes far beyond the legal union that that piece of paper represents. Marriage is to be the radical joining of two individuals into one new unit which encompasses a whole-life oneness. To be “one flesh” includes the husband’s and wife’s emotional lives, how they’re thinking and feeling. These things need to be shared with each other in conversation. To be “one flesh” includes the husband’s and wife’s physical lives as well. Of both enjoying the companionship of time spent together and of regular sexual intimacy. To become “one flesh,” a husband and wife are to join every aspect of their lives together (money/children/friends/future/faith). Of course, in the normal division of labor in any marriage, one spouse typically finds that they do a certain task or oversee a certain area of life more than the other. But this doesn’t mean they aren’t one flesh. In a healthy marriage, there shouldn’t be an area of life that is withheld/hidden from your spouse. Some marriages struggle because the two never really understood or were, for some reason, unwilling to truly become one. V. 25 describes the result of this type of relationship, this exclusive and unconditional commitment. “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Being naked without shame is a wonderful picture of vulnerability, honesty, and trust. There was nothing that would come between them in marriage. They each had nothing to hide. Isn’t that an amazing picture of God’s intention for marriage? And for the gift of marriage? For those of us who are married today or will get married one day, can you imagine what your marriage would be like if it was a little more like this? Total trust and openness, nothing to hide, perfect intimacy and joy, shared meaning and purpose, a whole-life oneness? That kind of relationship would be incredible. Of course, next week we’ll see that as soon as sin enters the picture, the humans are hiding from God in fear of punishment, they’re covering themselves in shame, and they’re blaming one another instead of being united to one another as one flesh. That probably sounds a lot more like marriage today, doesn’t it? Just as sin distorts our view of the Creator and his creation and of human identity/purpose, so does sin distort our view of marriage and family. No longer is the marriage relationship always beautiful, in fact, sometimes it’s the source of our greatest pain. Ever since the fall to sin, marriage vows have been made by two imperfect and in some ways deeply flawed individuals, people who very often default to selfish and self-centered goals/desires. But this is nothing compared to the tragedy of adultery/abandonment/abuse. So what can we do about this? What can we do when our marriages are difficult or when our spouse sins against us or wounds us so deeply that we feel like giving up on the vows we’ve made? Well, first, if you are being abused, please get help now. You can get help with your marriage without having to stay in physical danger.
But second, when marriage is painful or difficult, when things need to change and you aren’t sure what to do, this is when we most need to turn to Jesus. Because in the gospel, we discover that no matter how our spouse treats us, no matter what happens in life, Jesus has been and is presently and will ever be faithful to us. He will not abandon us or abuse us, despite how often we fail to perfectly love him in return. Even the best marriage on this side of glory pales in comparison to the whole-life oneness that comes by faith in Jesus. Our union with Christ is not only necessary for our salvation, but it works backward bringing life/redemption to every other area of life, including marriage. A great marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. But also, a relationship with Jesus becomes the means to make any marriage more holy and pleasing to God. Now, I confess there are probably more things that I would like to tell you this morning than what I have said already. For example, the blessing of marriage doesn’t mean that being single is a curse. But on this point, or on others, you might be left with questions. That’s ok. I would love to talk with you more about these things. But for now, marriage is a wonderful gift of God and was intended to be the perfect, loving union of two whole persons who become one. May our lives and our marriages be like this, by God’s grace and by the redeeming power of Jesus.